The Six Year Follow Up

As part of my upcoming assessment into what I hope will be my next unit, I have to undergo a two-part physical. I've already completed part one, which was little more than depositing various bodily fluids into various containers, tubes, beakers, cups, and a jar or two. Today, however, was part two—a totally different story.

Part two of the standard U.S. Army Flight Physical began with a quick check-up by the eye doctor, who promptly discovered that I need glasses. Well, that'll make you feel old. So now I wear glasses, but only when I need to actually see clearly. The next step was to actually be seen by the local flight surgeon. He checked everything, including things that ought not to be checked by another man. It was not natural or ever intended by our beneficent Creator. Besides which, he had fingers the size of my thighs. Anytime a doctor tells you to "clean up," you know you've been through hell.

That done, we sat down for a good old-fashioned medical inquisition, wherein he asked me questions such as, "Do you have a family history of heart disease?" "Have you ever had a panic attack?" and "Are you busy Friday evening?" Seriously, after much questioning, he said, "Well, chaplain, everything looks good!" and, with that, he proceeded to sign my paperwork so that I could head out and conquer the world. But wait, what's this? This whole thing was going way too smoothly. "I can't sign this!" says he. "Why not?" ask I. "You must be deployable, and you are not, due to some necessary dental work." Well, this was easily explainable. I had a root canal several months back (see my entry for October 21, 2003, Yin, Yang, and the Zen of Dental Agony), which required some follow-up work. Said follow-up work would require that I be placed on the "Follow-Up Work Required" waiting list. Sadly, this list is approximately six years long. So I was unable to get the necessary follow-up work in time for my trip. Thus, I was between a rock and a hard place. The doctor suggested I go to the dental clinic, explain my situation, and ask them to fix me up. On the surface, this sounds like a good idea. The problem is that, because of where I am stationed, my dental records were two hours away.

So, a bit later, I walked into the dentist's office hoping there was a good root canal follow-up guy there and proceeded to explain to the clerk that I needed a root canal but didn't have records with me, and I needed it right now, and you're gonna have to believe me. Basically, I was not just between a rock and a hard place; I was sandwiched between two concrete slabs. After pleading my case to the clerk, he asked me to have a seat while he conferred with the dentist. Soon, out came a dentist-looking guy who happened to be the local root canal expert, happened to be free for a couple of hours, and was just dying to fix my tooth. PTL! Two hours later, I walked out feeling like a million bucks, except for the right half of my head, which was feeling like a dead fish.

That done, I am now able to go and see if my "new unit" would ever want a guy who's had a root canal twice in one tooth. We'll see.

Korea: Land of Converging Winds

During the summer months in Korea it got so hot and humid that I was beginning to think I was living in hell. Those days are gone...Hell has frozen over. It snowed much of yesterday and last night, and by this morning we had a lovely white blanket covering a freshly beautified Camp Bonifas. Along with the beauty of the snow comes it's tyrannical soul mate, cold! Man is it cold. The usual nice three minute stroll to my office has quickly become a twenty-five second sprint for life. You see there is a wind that blows through the Panmun valley that originates somewhere near the north pole and converges with an unusual south pole wind right in front of my office. It's not a particularly hard blowing wind, but the unique combination of north and south freezing winds allows it to actually freeze thought! And the fact that I weigh 150 pounds soaking wet and have approximately -6% body fat is of no real help in defending against the attack of the demon wind. Get the idea. It's cold.

It's funny how people react. Last night as the snow was really beginning to come down, there were a bunch of guys out on the parade field having a snow fight / football game. Just looking at them as I sprinted by made me cold. Nevertheless, despite the cold, it is beautiful. Last night's snow was kind of wet and it stuck to everything. Thus there is a small layer of snow even on the barbed wire surrounding the camp. And the empty rice paddies in the area are frozen solid. A couple of them look like white skating rinks. Today the snow has stopped but the cold won't let it melt despite the clear skies and blazing bright sun. It is so bright outside you almost can't see.

It's nice to stand at my window and look at everything outside. Too bad it's not as inviting as it looks. The forecast is for more snow in a couple of days. Summer is sounding better by the minute.

Professional Amputation

I'm losing my right arm! Well, kind of. Tomorrow my Chaplain's Assistant, SGT Lanier, is leaving. He is transitioning back to the United States after 15 months in Korea and will be stationed in Texas. This is what the Army is made of and what makes it a unique social institution. As we move from place to place we say goodbye to old friends and immediately begin to make new ones. Relationship building in the military moves in hyperdrive. There is no time to wait around for just the right neighbors or just the right co-workers. If you wait too long, they're gone before you have a chance to meet them and you'll spend your life feeling very lonely.

Over the past 6 months, SGT Lanier and I have worked well together and I have grown to appreciate him as a soldier, a confidante, and a friend. We would spend many mornings sipping coffee and talking about home, family, food, Korea, and anything else that came to mind. We bounced ideas and strategies for ministry off one another and developed plans and procedures to make things run smoother. And when it came down to doing ministry, he was my right arm. I would not have been nearly as effective a minister were he not here, because while I was preaching and shaking hands and counseling, he was preparing and counting and ensuring that the next event was ready to go. He has been one step ahead of me every where I have gone and when I arrived there, I looked like a genius because of his work. What more could I ask for.

I have no idea what my next assistant will be like. Over time we'll sip coffee and talk of home and build a relationship. I do know this, however, if he is half the NCO that SGT Lanier has been during the past 6 months, I am in great shape.

How To Make A Soldier Cry

The upside is, it's over! The down side is, it's over! For months the lions share of our effort as the Unit Ministry Team at Camp Bonifas has been aimed at today. Approximately 8 weeks ago we generated an Operations Order (OPORD) and since issuing that OPORD to the battalion, we have been faced with planning everything about today down to the detail. Stress has become a way of life. As the day grew closer, today is just about all I thought about. So now it's over and I can breathe easier. On the other hand, today was such a success in the eyes of those that matter that I wish it could have lasted longer than it did. Today was the annual Pyong Hwa Orphanage Christmas Party. Fifty-seven kids ranging from 5 to 19 came to the JSA for a day of fun, music, food, and all out play. Here's how it went...

Several weeks ago, as part of the planning process, we collected the names and ages of the students from the orphanage and began to talk to every soldier, NCO and officer on post to see if they would sponsor a child for the party. In the end we had one US soldier and one ROK soldier sponsoring each child. Sponsoring a child meant buying them an age and gender appropriate gift, wrapping it, and then spending today with that child as much as possible. An eight hour adoption, if you will. Some soldiers adopted 3 or 4 kids. When they arrived today, we had the gym set up with huge inflatable games and ball throwing games. Outside we had 2 Humvee's ready to take the children on rides around camp. We also had one parked for them to climb all over and explore. There were 4 or 5 soldiers decked out in all their military gear with faces painted and guns and everything. Then there was a 50 caliber machine gun set up and an M240B machine gun set up for the kids to sit behind and pretend they were shooting. We also had our ambulance there in case of an emergency and also let the kids climb inside while the medics explained everything to them. So they got off the buses we had sent to pick them up, linked them up with their US and ROK soldier sponsors and then sent them into the gym to play and explore to their hearts content. The looks on their faces would melt your heart. I'm talking about the tough infantry studs playing with the kids. It was amazing.

After playtime, we marched them up to another building where they lined up and out came Santa Clause. They were pumped (the kids too). So each child, in turn, sat in Santa's lap, got their gifts from both soldiers, had their picture taken, and then moved out smartly to open and play with said gift. That was about the most fun. And to top that off, the Marine Corps gave us 57 of the most amazing gifts imaginable from "Toys for Tots" so each child received 3 presents. And man did they play and make a ton of noise (and the kids too). All during this Santa time, a brass ensemble from the 8th Army Band in Seoul were playing background Christmas music. It was perfect.

Next was dinner. We marched them down to the Dining Facility where they ate like kings. Fried chicken, hamburgers, hot dogs, turkey, rice, mashed potatoes, gravy, rolls, fries, onion rings, salads, deserts, jello. You name it, they had it available and the kids had a wonderful meal sitting by their sponsors unable to communicate verbally but smiling ear to ear and loving each others company. One of the kids I sponsored was a 13 year old girl with a great sense of humor. We took turns at dinner pointing across the room at some imaginary distraction and then when the other turned their head we would steal something off their plate. At one point she didn't bother to distract me and just reached over with her fork and took the slice of turkey I had just cut.

As the children and their soldiers finished eating they trickled back up to the Santa room. When all had arrived, they put on a show for the soldiers that was amazing. They did about 7 folk dances in varying age groups. First a bunch of girls no more than 5 or 6 years old came out and did a traditional Korean fan dance that was amazing. You should have seen the soldiers watching them. These were love stricken men and they didn't even know it. You could see them smiling at their kids and waving as though they were their own. One of the dances was performed by two little girls around 7 years old. They were dressed in beautiful white dresses and did the most graceful dance I think I've ever seen. I remember watching them and being struck by their grace and femininity. It was beautiful and not a person in the room made a noise until they finished. I thought the windows would break for all the applause and whistling. Such tough infantry guys. After that we made an attempt to sing some carols with the kids, accompanied by the 8th Army Band, and then it was time to say good bye. The kids piled on their busses and the soldiers surrounded them. Arms and heads were moving in and out of the windows as each tried to remain with their kids at least one more second. Kisses and hugs were too numerous to count. The busses couldn't move because of the mass of soldiers pressed around them. I went to the door of one bus to tell the driver to move out slowly and a little girl in the font row jumped into my arms saying "Moksahnim" (pronounced Moke Sah Neem) which is a special reverent word for pastor. She was 6 years old. She hugged my neck and gave me a big kiss right on my mouth and then smiled at me. I melted.

Finally, the busses began to pull away with a hundred soldiers waving and blowing kisses to children they will probably never see again. No one wanted to turn and walk away. As the busses moved out a little boy leaned out the window and saluted. Every guy gasped and started laughing in order to keep from crying.

So I'm glad it's over. But if I could I would do it again right now.

Meals and Music Make Strange Bedfellows

Today I attended a luncheon and the Neutral Nations Supervisory Commission camp in the JSA. It was hosted by a General from the Swiss Army and the food was magnificent. I guess the proper way to hold a formal lunch is to begin with cocktail hour at approximately 11am. Well, being a non drinker I asked for coffee. I think at that point I really insulted the guy behind the bar because he looked at me as if my face were made of stewed carrots and said, "This is cocktail time. We have no coffee!" Oh, pardon me! How dare I! Quickly and a tad less authoritatively, I asked for a glass of water. He glanced with disgust and handed me a glass of crystal clear water as if he were handing me a napkin full of ox droppings. After enjoy the conversation of a hotel manager from Australia, a Canadian Embassy worker, and a few other interesting people, we were invited into the meal. We wandered to whatever table and chair we felt comfortable with and sat down. At my table was my battalion commander, our signal officer, a young man and his little sister who are the children of a Swedish Army officer. Also there was the worlds quietest man who I'm fairly sure never brushes his hair and one other. He was a "Brew Meister". He too lacked hair care skills and needed dental work as badly as a cockney chocolatier. I say he was a brew meister because he attend a school in Munich for two years after working 6 years in the beer making business. This guy loved beer. In fact, he kind of smelled like he bathed in it. The first part of the meal was Swiss cheese melted in a little oven and then eaten hot with fruit and vegetables. Cauliflower and Swiss cheese is an unusual flavor combination to say the least. However, the taste was mild and quite enjoyable. The same cannot be said of the smell. As the cheese melted it began to emit a rather interesting odor. Maybe "interesting isn't the right word". I think rancid works a bit better. And not just a little. Overwhelming comes to mind. I noted, out loud, that the smell was unusual and the brew meister said, "That's not the cheese!" glancing down at his feet. Well, we all gave an uncomfortable chuckle at his little "joke" and it became as clear as my ox dropping water that he had the social skills of said ox. Notwithstanding some of the company and the smell it was a wonderful meal of various meats, fresh bread, fresh fruit, and some of the most incredible desserts ever made. The Swiss know how to put on a first class lunch. There was one chocolate dessert, a cream/cake thingy that I think I'd actually kill for. It was fabulous. After lunch we "retired" to the lounge for some of the best coffee this side of Seattle. Wow!

After returning to Camp Bonifas I made my way to my hooch for my compulsory Sunday afternoon nap. As I lay on my bed watching TV (actually just looking at a running screen) I began to think about chapel service this morning. I preached about music and why we sing and what it does for us. It's not always comfortable but it's always beneficial when we allow God to speak to us through music. I muted the TV, went to my computer, and began to play some music. I started looking for songs I didn't know and ran across one called "How Deep The Fathers Love For Us". I think I've listened to it a thousand times today. It starts like this...

How deep the Fathers love for us
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure

What a deal. Imagine being God's treasure! He must see something I don't cause when I look I see trash. He sees treasure. The more I think about it the more I am moved. I have to wonder if God brought those words to my attention because of how I looked at my friend the Brew Meister. Another part of that same song says...

Behold the Man upon the cross
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed, I hear my mocking voice
Call out among the scoffers

I mock Him when I look down on those made in His image. To think I am better than anyone belies a belief that some parts of God's image are better than others. How sad to think such a thing. AW Tozer said, "The Church [in this case me] has surrendered her once lofty concept of God and has substituted it for one so low, so ignoble, as to be utterly unworthy of thinking, worshipping men."

My new little song friend ends with...

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection
Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

So I preached about music and singing this morning and ended today singing alone in my room. Not trying to be rather spiritual but just imagining that simple song as being the sound of Christ's work for me, and for those that reflect his image better than I ever will.

All good things...

Tina left today! Welcome, Silence my old friend! Come on in Lonliness! Make yourselves at home.

Yin, Yang, and the Zen of Dental Agony

Things always seem to come in pairs, often opposite pairs. Black and white...hot and cold...Hope & Crosby. So it was with Tina's visit to Korea. But the problem actually began about a week before she arrived. My tooth began to ache slightly. No real pain just a dull ache. So I figured in my own logical way that I'd just take some motrin and then see the dentist after she left. Good plan. NOT! As the days wore on it began hurting a bit more so I upped the dosage of motrin. Finally I decided I should go get with the PA and see if he could hook me up with something a bit more powerful. He did just that and the Tylenol with Codeine coupleled with the topical lidocaine for more immediate relief worked pretty well . For a while. Then Tina and I headed to Seoul for our stay at the Dragon Hill and the tooth began to hurt more and more. Finally I couldn't take it any more and one morning I went on emergency dental sick call and they performed a root canal. That did the trick. We were able to enjoy the rest of our time in Seoul with only a bit of post dental surgery pain. Problem was that the pain didn't loose momentum. In fact it got worse. So back at Camp Bonifas 3 days later I was in such pain that I took about 1000mg of motrin. That did nothing so I took some codeine. Still no effect. The pain continued to grow. But this was not ordinary pain. If you've never had real tooth pain the only way you'll understand my agony would be to slowly push a 16 penny nail through your face and slowly pull it out the other side. Had it not been for Tina's quick thinking by hiding my Leatherman pocket tool, I would have pulled my own tooth without hesitation. I tired with my fingers but teeth are fairly slippery I guess because I couldn't get a grip on it enough to pull it. Finally Tina had enough of my pain and she walked down to the Doc's room around 10 PM to see if he could help. He asked me a few questions to which I answered, "Can you just remove my face please?" So he gave me the wonder drug...valium. That ended the pain and put me to sleep. It was beautiful and I didn't wake up until a full 20 minutes later in agonizing pain. So, pumped up on Motrin, Tylenol, Codeine, and Valium and still experience the worst pain short of giving birth to a horse through your nose I was driven 1 hour to the hospital in Yongsan where they gave me a "nerve block". Basically they temporarily disabled the nerve to the right side of my face. It was heaven. No pain at all. In fact no feeling at all. And no control at all. But man did I sleep well. So I returned to Camp Bonifas and then the next morning went back to Yongsan to the dentist who gave me another root canal. In the end, all is well and I have a couple of followup appointments later in the month to kind finish stuff off. In the middle of a wonderful visit we went on a blind date with misery, and she ordered the lobster.